Three-part series: Part 2: Autism Masking and Camouflaging in Girls & Women: How do they differ from Boys and Men?

In my previous post, we explored the complex, often overlapping concepts of masking and camouflaging in autism – those effortful strategies autistic individuals use to navigate neurotypical social landscapes. We established that while subtly different, both serve as adaptive mechanisms, often born out of a need for safety, acceptance, or connection, and both carry significant personal costs.

Now, let's turn to another layer of this complexity: gender. It's a topic that comes up constantly in clinical practice, research, and within the autistic community itself. Do autistic girls and women mask or camouflage differently than autistic boys and men? And if so, why?

Based on extensive observation, research trends, and countless shared experiences, the answer appears to be yes, there are often noticeable differences in the patterns, intensity, and focus of masking and camouflaging between genders.

However, a crucial caveat before we proceed: We are talking about trends and tendencies, heavily influenced by societal factors, not rigid rules. Autistic experiences are incredibly diverse, and any autistic person, regardless of gender, might mask or camouflage intensely. What we observe are patterns often shaped by differing social expectations and historical biases in how autism itself has been understood.

Why Might Differences Exist? The Societal Mould

1. Gender Socialisation: From a young age, societal expectations regarding social behaviour differ significantly based on perceived gender. Girls are often implicitly and explicitly encouraged towards social harmony, communication, emotional expressiveness (of a certain kind), and maintaining relationships. There's often less tolerance for overt social 'differentness'. Boys, while facing their own pressures, may be afforded slightly more latitude for behaviours perceived as 'quirky', less socially focused, or even disruptive, sometimes under the damaging "boys will be boys" umbrella. This pressure cooker of social expectation can push autistic girls towards earlier and more intense camouflaging efforts.

2. Historical Diagnostic Bias: Autism criteria were historically developed based on observations predominantly of young boys. This often-emphasised externalising behaviours (visible meltdowns, easily observable repetitive actions) and specific types of restricted interests (e.g., transportation, mechanics). Autistic girls, whose traits might present more internally or whose interests might be deemed more 'socially acceptable' (e.g., animals, literature, psychology, intense focus on friendships), were less likely to fit this mould. To cope and 'fit in', they often had no choice but to develop sophisticated masking strategies, flying under the diagnostic radar.

How Might Masking & Camouflaging Manifest Differently?

Given these pressures, here are some observed tendencies:

In Autistic Girls and Women:

• Focus on Social Performance: Masking may heavily involve intense observation and meticulous imitation of neurotypical peers' social behaviours – copying tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, and social etiquette ('social scripting'). There might be a strong drive to 'perform' friendship correctly.

• Suppressing Authentic Self: This can involve actively suppressing strong opinions, passions, or needs to maintain social harmony or avoid standing out ('people-pleasing'). It can also mean forcing participation in social activities that are draining or uncomfortable.

• Internalisation: Distress, sensory overload, or social confusion might be heavily internalised, presenting as anxiety, depression, selective mutism, or extreme shyness, rather than external meltdowns.

• 'Socially Acceptable' Intense Interests: Interests, while pursued with autistic depth and intensity, might focus on topics like psychology, social justice, animals, literature, or specific celebrities/fictional characters, making them harder to recognise as 'autistic traits' by those expecting stereotypical presentations.

• Quiet Compliance: Some may adopt a persona of being overly compliant, passive, or quiet as a strategy to avoid drawing negative attention.

In Autistic Boys and Men:

• Suppressing Overt Behaviours: Masking might focus more on suppressing obvious stims (like hand flapping or vocalisations) or managing communication styles perceived as blunt or overly direct.

• Intellectual Compensation: Camouflaging might involve using logic and intellect to understand and navigate social rules, rather than relying on intuitive mimicry. Humour might also be used as a social tool or shield.

• Stereotypical Interests: While not universal, intense interests might align more often with classically recognised 'male autistic' stereotypes (e.g., technology, specific facts, systems), which, combined with other traits, might lead to earlier recognition if they fit the historical diagnostic picture.

• Externalising Behaviours: While masking occurs, co-occurring externalising behaviours (like visible frustration, arguments, or what might be labelled 'disruptive' behaviour) might still be more prevalent or tolerated than in girls, potentially leading to different pathways (e.g., referrals for ADHD or ODD).

Again, these are tendencies, not definitive boxes. Many autistic boys and men are incredibly adept social maskers, and many autistic girls and women present with traits historically associated with boys. Intersectionality (race, culture, socioeconomic status, LGBTQ+ identity) adds further layers of complexity.

The Gendered Consequences

These differing patterns, driven by societal expectations, have real-world consequences:

• Delayed or Missed Diagnosis: Autistic girls and women are significantly more likely to be diagnosed late in life or missed altogether due to successful masking, leading to years without appropriate understanding or support.

• Mental Health Impact: The immense, often lifelong effort of masking contributes to alarmingly high rates of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and autistic burnout, particularly in women.

• Identity Crisis: Receiving a diagnosis later in life after decades of masking can lead to profound questions about identity and authenticity ("Who am I without the mask?").

Moving Forward: Seeing Beyond Gender Stereotypes: Understanding these gendered tendencies is vital not to reinforce stereotypes, but to dismantle them. It helps clinicians, educators, and families recognise autism in all its presentations. It highlights the crushing weight of societal expectations and the need for broader acceptance.

Recognising how societal pressures shape autistic experiences differently across genders allows us to:

• Improve diagnostic practices to be more inclusive.

• Provide more tailored support.

• Challenge the gendered social expectations that force anyone to hide their true self.

Ultimately, the goal remains the same as discussed in our previous post: to foster a world where no autistic person feels the overwhelming need to mask or camouflage their identity simply to exist, connect, or be safe – regardless of their gender. Understanding these differences is a step towards that more accepting future.